Wow. Just ... Wow.

Obsession, I know thy name, and it is “DVR.”

Without realizing it, I have slipped past the point of sanity and am now 100% reliant on my DVR. My dependency was made evident when I was doing a quick scan of my scheduled series recordings.

There are at least 17, people. Seventeen. Count ‘em:

- LOST. I’m catching up on the second season and am as eager about the third season starting as a smackhead is at the sight of a bent spoon.
- Project Runway. Need I say more?
- Flavor of Love. You know a show is a trash-tastic good time when two girls get into a fist fight over a bed, a stripper gets loaded, AND a woman defecates on the floor all during the very first episode.
- Celebrity Fit Club. Tina Yothers shoveling horse crap for exercise? Yes, please.
- Lovespring International. A little-known, mostly improv show on Lifetime or Oxygen or one of those ultra-girly, let’s-talk-about-our-feelings networks.
- Three Moons over Milford. Kind of like The Gilmore Girls meets Charmed.
- Top Chef. New season starting soon! (I love you, Harold.)
- America’s Next Top Model. For added fun, tally the number of times someone says “fierce” or “you bettah work, bitch.” Extra points if it’s Tyra and she’s wearing a ridiculous wig (which is always).
- The Biggest Loser. Along the same lines as Celebrity Fit Club, but minus the celebrity part (sorry, Caroline Rhea).
- Good Eats. Oh, Alton Brown. Anyone who can make gluten interesting is okay by me.
- Ace of Cakes. The chef’s a total douche, but he makes cakes with fireworks in them. You must give credit where credit is due.
- Food Network Challenge. Wow. I watch the Food Network waaaaay too much.
- Queer Eye. Bringing much-needed fabulousness to the unwashed masses.
- Studio 60. It’s got Matthew Perry in it. That’s got to be a good thing, right?
- The Simpsons. Still going strong after 47 years.
- Family Guy. The Simpsons, but dirtier (yes, that’s possible).
- All-American Dad. I’m kind of meh about this one, but it follows so nicely after the last two.

I’m sure that I’m forgetting several. And rest assured that I will be setting recordings for American Idol, So You Think You Can Dance, Hell’s Kitchen, My Life on the D-List, The Office, and probably five or six more.

I need medication.