What the ...?

I’m troubled, y’all.

While plotting a methodic zigzag course through my local grocery store recently, I happened down the baby care aisle (not somewhere you’ll usually find me). It’s cute in there, you know – little bottles of food, gurgly babies on all the merchandise, smells kind of good.

But then my eyes fell upon this little oddity:



Wh-what? What is this? What is this used for? WHY DID THEY NAME IT THAT?!

How about salve? Or ointment? Or balm or cream or liniment? Not Butt Paste. Never Butt Paste.

Want to become even more horrified? They sell it in quantities that range from little two-ounce tubes all the way to ONE-POUND TUBS. That’s a lot of butts, you guys.

After further research, I’ve discovered that you can also purchase aforementioned paste in a gift pack of sorts that comes complete with a bib and bobble head doll. Observe:



That’s the stuff of nightmares.

I’m hoping my Mom Friends (as I like to call them) can shed a little light on this subject. Otherwise, I shall continue with my assumption that this is some kind of voodoo magic cream that glues your child’s behind shut.

Works for me.