I'm Gonna Need That by EOD

So, my team has a task board at work where we can track the status of all of our projects. And by that I mean we can track who to blame for holding onto the folder for too long and subsequently delaying the deployment of the campaign.

It’s an extremely scientific approach, involving color-coded squares of construction paper, masking tape, and pushpins. Clear pushpins. Oh yeah, people. It’s like The Matrix over here.

Sadly, during this time of year, the projects are all approved and the task board is woefully naked, save for a few hangers-on. And so, in a fifteen-minute spurt of downtime, my friend Meredith and I decided to spruce up the board and create new tasks for everyone. Some of the more inspired ones are as follows:

- Pump up the jam; pump it up.
- Drop it like, drop it like, drop it like it’s hot.
- Count the chickens before they hatch.
- Burn the pork chop sandwiches.
- Restock olive oil supply.
- Smile sweetly; don’t judge.
- Don skin suit.
- It rubs the lotion on its skin…
- …or else it gets the hose again.

No one has yet gotten a move on toward completing these tasks, and I’m fully prepared to start handing out pink slips. Bunch of slackers.